Saturday Anime: Iria - Zeiram the Animation.

This series is one of the shows that most deserves to be mentioned in an edition of Saturday Anime (which I am going to try to do more consistently, I swear).  One of the first 'True' anime that I saw, the first DVD I bought, and still one of my favorite shows All Around.  Dan and I watched this again last night, so with my latest of many viewings fresh in my mind, I thought I would talk a bit about it.

The titular protagonist of the series is Iria, a hunter from the planet Myce in a distant galaxy.  As the show opens, she is apprenticed to her brother, Gren and his partner Bob.  She is strong willed and tough as nails, a true heroine, not the Kung Fu mistress or Dragon lady stereotypes.  She fights with an impressive arsenal of Guns, explosives, and a segmented Katana, similar to the sword used by Ivy of Soul Calibur fame.  And while she is easily the toughest person (note the word Person) in the show, when she isn't busy kicking ass and taking names, she can still be endearingly feminine.  For example, at one point in the show after fighting tooth and nail for the better part of 15 minutes, the first thing she thinks of is that she could use a shower.

Early in the first episode, Iria, Gren, and Bob take on a hush-hush mission to rescue the occupants of a high-jacked ship known as the Karma.  Expecting space pirates, industrial espionage, or a mercenary force, they instead find that the majority of the crew has been slaughtered by a single assailant.

It is Zeiram, a bloodthirsty unstoppable killing machine of unknown origins.

This is Zeiram.  Holy Schnikies!

There is something so cool about this antagonist.  He has no ambitions.  No Agenda.  No personal beef with anyone in particular.  No tragic past.  No tortured psychotic personality.  No reason to kill.

But that doesn't stop him.  The best way to describe Zeiram is as a Force of Nature.  He is pure Malice, unfocused hatred incarnate, unfettered instinct in an indestructible body.  He kills everything in his path, not for kicks or honor or really for any reason, simply because it's what he does.  And he is damn good at it.  Zeiram is an extremely intimidating figure, huge in stature, accompanied by an eerie chant and a hissing laugh that freezes the blood of his victims.  And there is only one person who has ever taken him on, one on one, and lived.  Iria.

The show has a very unique visual style that blends traditional eastern art and architecture with otherworldly technology, and character design is excellent, particularly Iria and Zeiram.  Audio is excellent, with a number of memorable pieces of background music and an insanely catchy opening theme song that, to this day, I can't get enough of.

It bears mentioning that this series was one of the shows that made me the Anime Fan I am today.  I saw it first on the Sci Fi channel during the Saturday Anime days.  It is amongst the original handful of series that hooked me on the medium, including the likes of Tenchi Muyo, Dominion Tank Police, Gunsmith Cats, Ghost in the Shell and Neon Genesis Evangelion; placing it in some fine company.  And I remember it fondly as one of the first shows that featured a powerful and well developed female in the lead role of an animated series at a time when animated women were sidekicks at best and damsels in distress at worst.  I recommend it to anyone who can get a hold of it and who wants a taste of Great old school anime and a Badass Female Hero.

And now, your moment of AMV zen.

Saturday Anime: Tenchi Muyo

I've decided to ditch the History thing in favor of just talking about some of the series I would have mentioned in them anyway individually.  Let's start with the first series I actually owned all of the episodes of, Tenchi Muyo OVA.

After I moved on to Hollywood Video in my hometown for rentals, I started perusing their Anime section and discovered a few really good shows and movies, but none more so than Tenchi.  My first taste of the series had been in the form of Tenchi Muyo In Love, the first Tenchi film, which was played on Sci Fi channel during their Saturday Anime block (which is where I stole the name Saturday Anime from).  I remember being utterly confused, effectively being dumped into the middle of a universe I couldn't possibly understand completely, almost like watching Return of the Jedi without seeing A New Hope and Empire.  I admired the art, liked the characters even though I knew nothing about them beyond what the film tells you, and found the action and romantic undertones of the story compelling.  As I attempted to understand the series better, I found a copy of the Mihoshi special at Hollywood and rented it.  However this didn't help much, as it's a completely independent special that has nothing to do with the main story.  So even though I was largely in the dark about most of the story, I sought out more episodes because what I had seen was so much fun, even if I was lost most of the time.

Since this was long before the days of Youtube and wikipedia to fill in the gaps, I started to look for VHS copies of the OVA, as I had determined that it was the first series released.  I finally found a collection of all the episodes on VHS on eBay, and created an account just to buy them.  I sent the money order, waited a bit, and picked up my first UPS package, then dove into the true beginning of the story.  I would later find out that I was hardly the only one confused about the canon of the series, but I'm sticking to the OVA here because it is still my favorite.

Masaki Tenchi is a fairly normal teenager, working at his grandfather's Shinto Shrine in the mountains.  One day, he attempts to sneak into his Grandfather's office to steal a key.  There is a cave near the shrine with a locked gate that his Grandfather has warned him to stay away from for years because a Demon was buried there 700 years ago, but his curiosity has gotten the better of him at last.  After lifting the key, Tenchi investigates the cave and finds that his Grandfather's story was not all bluster.  He finds a Sword Hilt and what appears to be an ancient corpse, but when the corpse comes to life and attempts to embrace him, he flees in fear, resealing the cave and swearing never to return.  Later he falls asleep on the roof of his school and is woken by a youthful Blue Haired girl.  She chuckles and says "Ryoko..."  When Tenchi looks perplexed, she continues, "That's my name, Ryoko."  She opens her eyes, and they are glowing an eerie gold, the same as the Demon in the cave.  Ryoko laments how horrible her 700 year imprisonment and informs Tenchi that she will have to work out some tension on him right away.  She then summons a light blade from thin air and attacks Tenchi, flying, teleporting, laughing giddly and tossing energy bolts in his direction.  As the one sided fight continues, Tenchi's entire school is destroyed by a gas line explosion.  Ryoko finally corners Tenchi and attacks him again, but the Sword Hilt which he hid in his book bag generates an energy field that deflects the blow.  Incredulous, Ryoko attacks again and the hilt generates a light blade of it's own.  The two fight, with Tenchi unable to control the sword as it moves on it's own, then lops off Ryoko's hand.  She laments that she lost another battle, regrows her hand, and sinks away into the ground.  As Tenchi returns home, glad to be done with the whole affair, but wondering what happened to the girl, he doesen't have to wonder long.  He finds Ryoko sleeping in his bed, and she warmly welcomes him home when he wakes her.

It isn't long after this before Tenchi and Ryoko's fight attracts the attention of Aeka, a princess from the planet Jurai who has been searching the galaxy for her missing half brother Yosho in her massive space-tree/Ship Ryu-oh.  Aeka considers Ryoko her sworn enemy, as during her days as a Space Pirate, she caused great damage to the Jurai empire and homeworld.  After capturing them, in spite of the fact that the statuate of limitations on Ryoko's crimes just ran out the day they arrived at Earth,  Aeka tortures the Space Pirate in hopes of extracting information about Yosho's whereabouts.  Meanwhile, Sasami, another of Jurai's princesses releases Tenchi and press-gangs him into playing a trick on her older sister.  It isn't long before Ryoko's ship, Ryo-Oh-Ki attacks Ryu-Oh and the two ships crash near the Masaki Shrine.  With no way off the relatively primitive planet Earth, Ryoko, Aeka, and Sasami are all forced to stay with Tenchi and his Father.  It isn't long before another fight between Ryoko and Aeka causes another ship to crash, stranding the bumbling Galaxy Police officer Mihoshi on Earth as well, followed shortly by a childish looking super-scientist named Washu, who also claims to be Ryoko's "Mother".

While it isn't immediately obvious at first for most of the female characters, besides Ryoko's playful flirting towards the end of the first episode, it soon becomes clear that they all have at least some romantic interest in Tenchi.  However, it is Ryoko, the Brash, Fun Loving, Sake drinking former space pirate and Aeka, the prim, proper, princess; who become the most interesting rivals from the first moment Aeka learns Ryoko is on Earth.  They have a history and don't much like one another, but their mutual interest in Tenchi forces them to tolerate one another's presence.   At one point, the two of them make a pact to work together in order to get the other girls out of the picture, then read romantic Manga for pointer on how to woo Tenchi, with hilariously disastrous results.

However, throughout all the bickering between the girls over Tenchi's affections, he never seems to become more attached to any one of the girls, treating all of them as if they were members of his own family and doing everything he can for any one of them.  This, even more than his powers and lightblade, make Tenchi a truly admirable character.  And while his seeming ignorance of the girls feelings for him, Ryoko's in particular, can be frustrating for the viewer, it is his devotion to all of them equally that sets Tenchi Muyo apart from most Harem anime that would follow.  Where most series in the genre ultimately end with the protagonist choosing one of those competing for their affections (Love Hina for example and Fruits Basket as a notable exception), Tenchi Muyo always leaves the answer to the burning question "Who's Tenchi going to end up with?" vague.  The closest they ever came is the ending  to Tenchi Muyo in Love 2, which is ambiguous at best, and that isn't even the same continuity.  It's more confusing the the Trek reboot.  Although I haven't seen the end of the 3rd OVA, so I may be wrong.

Still, when it comes down to it, there are four key elements that really make Tenchi fun to watch.  Interesting Characters, Excellent animation, oft gut busting Comedy, and unrequited love.


    


























And Now, your Moment of AMV Zen...

Top Ten: RPG's

Thanks to my home skillet Nick for suggesting this topic when I was stumped.

RPG's have been a passion of mine pretty much since I was old enough to hold a controller.  The idea of filling the roll of a character thrust into extraordinary circumstances in a fantastic setting was always so appealing.  From old-school Silent Protagonist games to the Choose your Destiny choice driven games of today, anything that has the words Level Up and X Exp Gained has my interest.  While my interest in new J-Rpgs has been waning of late, I still love to replay the classics from time to time, and modern RPGs still bear hug me into submission.  I'll rank them by quality of system, story, sound, time played, times beaten, etc.  So, here is a list of my faves, and in the interest of avoiding filling half the list with one series (Cough Final Fantasy Cough), I'm going to limit myself to one game per series.

And No, there will be no Super Mario RPG on this List. 

10) The World of Warcraft


This pick was actually a tough one to make my mind up about.  It has to be said that WoW might hold the "Most hours Played" title for me, since I've been playing all but a few months since it's debut in late 04.  And while the game is neck deep in lore, the massively multi-player aspect always takes me out of the story.  That said, there are few games that give you more options for character customization.  From basic appearance andtitles to varied classes and talent trees, not to mention the joys of being a Hunter and naming a menagerie of pets (Like my bear, FurryTractor, for example) and boatloads of gear and mounts to acquire , the options are huge.  And while it was a little boring soloing in the past, the leveling process revamp that came with Cataclysm has provided a single player experience on par with rpg's that are exclusively single player.  Combine that with the fun of teaming up with 4 friends to take on a dungeon or24 to raid the most challenging depths the world has to offer, as well as professions and playing the server wide auction house, and there is plenty of fun to be had.

9)  Neverwinter Nights


Based on the d20 system rules of Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 and set in the Forgotten Realms campaign setting, Neverwinter Nights was a 3D culmination of a lot of Nerd fantasies.  For the first time, a fully realized, fully 3D D and D game was available.  While the main stories of Neverwinter 1 and 2 are good in their own right, the real value to be had here was in customizing the game itself.  From the deep character customization included right out of the box to the plethora of downloadable mods that added additional options, to modules that added all new player generated stories and the official expansions that added more depth to the core experience, the re-playability of this game was off the charts. Add to this the ability to play multiplayer cooperative games and this game became a regular installment at LAN parties.  Good times had by all as we leveled our characters, killed monsters, and laughed when one of us got killed by a trap.

8)  Breath of Fire II

Now we're kickin' it Old School.  Throughout the 8 and 16 bit eras, I was a JRPG fanatic, and I still have a soft spot for Sprite Based Role Playing.  Breath of Fire II is a standout in a period when there were a lot of excellent games in the genre.  Centered on the life of Ryu, a young orphan who is the last of the ancient Dragon Clan, BoFII starts out simply enough.  After a brief scene in which we see a glimpse of Ryu's childhood which culminates in an encounter with the Nightmarish creature Barubary who makes his family vanish and the rest of the village forget who he is, an older Ryu and his fried Bow set off to find a Pet Pig for a Princess.  It isn't long after this quest that a much larger plot unfolds and Ryu and crew face off with a number of various threats, from Demonic possession, to a corrupt Religion, to a final confrontation with Barubary and his Master.  The cast of characters is varied and interesting, and only gets deeper when you learn how to fuse their souls with elemental shaman to grant them new forms and powers.  The town building element, by which the player builds a town up from a single shack to a thriving community full of useful vendors and craftsmen, was revolutionary at the time. The story is rich, very character driven and full of emotional moments.

7)  Fallout 3


Fallout 3 is a great example of how the genre is evolving to be more action oriented, but still maintain the aspects that make RPG's so much fun.  Set in an alternate America who's culture stagnated in the 50s, and was subsequently destroyed in a nuclear war, F3 depicts a very grim reality of how the Atomic Age could have ended. Starting from you birth within a community sized bomb shelter known as a Vault, the life of your character is completely controllable.  And while the illusion slips from time to time and you realize how much the story is "On Rails" as they say, it is largely an open-ended adventure that encourages the player to interact with the world around them any way they choose.  Add an ingenious and endlessly entertain system of incorporating slow motion dramatic action scenes into the heat of combat so players can savor just how much they can mess a guy up with a combat shotgun or any of a number other weapons, and the addictive nature of this game should come as no surprise.

6)  Mass Effect 2


The current King of the "Modern RPG" hill, Mass Effect 2 is a truly epic space adventure.  The title character, Shepard, is whatever you make of him/her, from baby hugging goody-two-shoes to baby punting heartless bastard.  As you begin this sequel, you can import data from your Mass Effect 1 save to deepen the immersion and see the results of you actions from the first game on the second.  And while there is a definite feeling of being 'on rails' on your journey, the good news is that it's a great ride.  The story starts with Shepard being brought back from the dead after the Normandy was destroyed by a Cerberus, an enigmatic pro human organization who's leader, the equally enigmatic Illusive Man see's Shepard as the only hope for humanity.  The cast of characters is impressive and varied, with fan favorites rounding out a group of interesting newcomers.  One may argue that this game only barely qualifies as an RPG, and as far as the combat and Item system goes, I have to agree.  In those areas, it could easily be described as RPG Lite.  But the story is where it's at:  Full of intrigue, deception, action, romance, mirth, despair, hope, and determination.

5)  Illusion of Gaia


Another Snes title, Illusion of Gaia is another game that isn't quite the textbook definition of an RPG, but has more than enough soul and character development to earn it this spot on the list.  Set in a world with many familiar landmarks like the Pyramids, Machu Pichu, and the Great Wall of China in unfamiliar places, Illusion of Gaia has a lot going on under the surface of a game that plays a lot like Zelda.  Will is a young man who was the only person to return from his Father's expedition to the Tower of Babel, though he has no memory of how.  He leads a normal life in the care of his Grandparents until one day he is summoned to the palace by the King of his land.  The King has requested that he bring the Crystal Ring Will got from his father, but throws him in prison when he arrives.  After escaping with the help of the Earth Spirit, Gaia, who transforms young will into the powerful dark knight Freedan, Will and his friends embark on a journey to visit sacred ruins all over the world and learn the secrets of the Spirit Statues and what became of Will's Father on his expedition.  The ending is a real tearjerker and I've played through this game many times just to experience the story again.

4)  Disgaea



Oh, Disgaea.  How to describe this game?  Well, it is hilariously aware of what it is, an insanely deep Tactical RPG with an insane number of possible characters and side-splitting tongue-in-cheek story. Early on, we learn that our hero, Prince Laharl, is the next in line to inherit the throne of Overlord of the Netherworld, after his father died when he choked on a Black Pretzel.  Unfortunately, Laharl has been taking a nap for the last two years and missed it.  In the meantime, other demons have started to lay claim to the title of Overlord for themselves.  The first of these demons that Laharl dispatches is Vyers, the self styled Dark Adonis.  The prince dismisses him as a trivial stepping-stone on the path to domination and to drive home the point, he officially changes his name to Mid Boss.  This self referential joke is an example of what makes this game as hilarious as it is additively challenging. 



3)  Final Fantasy VI


Picking one Final Fantasy game as the best is a hard enough task in and of itself, let alone deciding where it belongs amongst it's peers.  While FF Tactics is an absolute classic in my book, and VII changed RPGs and their Fanbase forever, I still have to say that FF VI is the high water mark of an excellent series.  An Industrial Era world where Magic scarcely exists and is spoken of as a myth of ancient times is a compelling setting for a FF game, which up to this point, had only featured worlds steeped in sorcery.  There are only two known magic users in the world when the game starts, and one of them is Terra.  Press-ganged into military service with a mind control device by the nefarious empire, Terra is sent to acquire a recently unearthed frozen Esper, a Magical creature of mysterious origin.  When Terra encounters the Esper, a sequence of events is set into motion that will see the world torn apart.  The graphics and sound were jaw dropping when it was released, and the epic story stands the test of time and multiple playthroughs. 

2)  Secret of Mana


There's really only one word I should have to say to explain why this game was such a big deal when it came out in '94.  Multiplayer.  At the time, RPG's and even Action games like Zelda never even attempted Multiplayer modes.  In Secret of Mana, it's one of the best reasons to play.  Three people could huddle around their Super NES and play through an extended quest of epic proportions.  Hours of gametime with friends, slashing, casting, and laughing when people got turned into Moogles.  It is almost a forerunner of MMORPGS, like a first baby step in that direction.  And while the action is largely similar to action games like IofG or Zelda, there is definitely strategy and timing involved, and the story is epic and worthy of the genre. 





1)  Chrono Trigger


Seriously, who's surprised?   Anyone who has asked me to recommend a game since 95, including my niece, knows this might be my favorite game Period, not just in the RPG genre.  Crono, the hero of our story and all round nice guy/silent protagonist type bumps into a beautiful girl named Marle at the Kingdom of Guardia's Millennial Fair.  After showing her the sights, they go to see a demonstration of a Crono's friend Luca's new invention, a Teleporter.  Marle excitedly volunteers to try out the device, but when Luca starts it, the teleporter reacts with the pendant Marle is wearing and she is transported into a mysterious Gate, leaving the Pendant behind.  Luca examines it and realizes it is a royal artifact that belongs to the Princess of Guardia.  Without hesitation, Crono takes the pendant and steps onto the teleporter, intending to rescue her.  He arrives in Guardia, but it quickly becomes clear that he has traveled hundreds of years back in time.  As the story progresses, Crono and crew ally with a loyal Robot from the far future, a gallant knight that was transformed into a frog, and a tough as nails  prehistoric woman.  As they attempt to return to their own time, they learn of a plot by a master of the dark arts, Magus, to summon Lavos, an inter-planetary Parasite that will destroy the world.  They decide that cannot simply return to their time and live out their lives burdened with this knowledge, and set out on a quest to destroy Lavos before the Cataclysm can occur.  One of the great things that made this game so replayable was the New Game + feature that allowed the player to start a new game with the endgame character data.  To add to this mode there were several varied endings to the game, both good and bad, based on what point in the replay you defeat Lavos.  The soundtrack is one of the most memorable of the 16 Bit Era.  It's a game that has been copied, remade in part by fans, and had a fanmade sequel in the works before Square "cease and desist"ed them.  It's a game that spans the entire history of human existence, from it's primal beginnings to it's eventual destruction and decline, and offers the chance to change history.  It's a game full of interesting characters, monsters, and fantastic locales.
It's a classic.

Bonus, Nifty Japanese Commercial.

Honorable Mention: Final Fantasy Tactics, FFIV, FFVII, FFX (in that order), Knights of the Old Republic, Dragon Age Origins, Destiny of an Emperor, Secret of Evermore, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, .The Lufia Series

Saturday Anime: History Lesson Part 2

Here we are again with another addition of Saturday Anime.  You know, last week I had such a good time reminiscing about anime from my childhood, I thought it would be interesting to continue along to the next stage of my fandom and talk about my early Teen years and a little place called Freedom.

Warning, this is where it may get a little blue, no Kids!

So as I continued to grow up and watched a lot of cartoons along the way, I saw a lot of American animation that impressed me.  Ren and Stimpy, Beavis and Butthead, Rocko's Modern Life...  They were all good shows, but they focused more on often crude humor and the quality of the animation varied greatly.  But one show stood out from the pack.  A show that was well animated, expertly acted, and didn't patronize it's young viewers with it's complex stories.  That show was Batman.  I would rush home every day to watch the Dark Knight get after the bad guys, and loved the cinematic action and film noir style.  And while it was not the only Action show for kids (Gargoyles comes to mind), it was the best, in my opinion.  My love of Batman also affected my tastes moving forward.  I now craved higher quality animation and stories, and I was often disappointed with American shows in that regard.  It was around this time that I started to wish I could find something different to watch, and I got my wish in the form of another video rental store.

Freedom Video was a fairly standard video store of the time.  It was housed in what was once a Gas Station in front of the local Mall in Marshalltown.  They offered the standard fare; hundreds of movies, an impressive selection of video games, and one section that would become very important to me.

I vividly remember the sign above this section, reading "Japanimation - Animation not intended for Children", and was emblazoned with pictures of characters from Battle Arena Toshinden and other shows.  I've long since come to dislike the term Japanimation, for I think obvious reasons.  As a teenager, I made two conclusions about this sign.  1, I was not a child, so no trouble there.  And 2, whoever owned the place must have loved the stuff, since they had put a lot more work into that sign than they did any of the others in the shop.  I remember worrying that someone would ask me to leave or shoo me away from this "Adult" section, but I perused the available videos anyway.  It took me a while just to gather the stones to add an anime tape to the pile of movies my grandfather and I were renting (I know, I know).  But after that first tape, I never looked back.

Ghost in the Shell was the first movie I rented.  And looking back, it was a pretty steep movie to start out on.

See what I mean?  And that's just the first few minutes.  I mentioned this in my list of the greatest Animated films, but it bears repeating.  This movie changed everything.  It instantly became the yardstick by which I measured any other action or sci-fi movie I saw.  It was this film that inspired my interest in Philosophy and cemented my fate as an Anime Fan.  The first time i watched it, I remember sneaking downstairs after everyone else was asleep to do so, for fear that if anyone else saw it, I would be forbidden to watch it.  Whenever I watched it after that, I still waited till after everyone went to bed because I knew I would be.  (As a point of reference, I was once forbidden to watch Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers because there was one episode that included a group of Soda-addicted mice called the Cola Cult.  Just sayin.)  This was my rebellion.

On the surface, Ghost in the Shell is an action thriller with some excellent animation and a beautiful protagonist.  But the real story is the human condition itself.  The nature of what we are, and what defines human existence.  The nagging doubts that annoy a normal person eventually nearly paralyze the almost fully artificial Kusanagi Motoko.  The entire third act of the film is about Kusanagi's desperate need to discover the truth about her very nature.

Also, I feel I must mention, without Ghost in the Shell, The Matrix could not have happened.

From there, I rented several other titles from Freedom Video's Anime department, and continued to be blown away by what I found.

Blue Seed was my first taste of purely Japanese episodic anime, and did it ever stick with me.

At first, I only had the first two episodes available to me, so I wondered where the series went from there for years.  Based around a mass reappearance of ancient mythical beings known as the Aragami in modern Japan.  The protagonists work for the TAC, a government agency specializing in countering the threat.  Fujimiya Momiji was a fairly normal teenager living in Izumo.  One day, when walking home from the Shinto Shrine where her grandmother was training her to be a priestess, Momiji is accosted by a mysterious young man named Kusanagi who informs her that she has to die.  It becomes clear that he is no mere mortal when he is thwarted by TAC members Kunikida Daitetsu and Takeuchi Ryoko, and escapes by leaping from tree to tree.  The TAC members fill Momiji in on here origin and the fact that she is the descendant of the Princess Kushinada from the ancient fable of Susano O slaying the Eight Headed Dragon Yamata no Orochi.  Even as Momiji reads the legend in the Library at her school, Orochi himself attacks.  It seems that if Momiji is killed in a ritualistic manner within a ceramic field, the Aragami will roam the earth forever.  Even as Orochi is about to accomplish his goal, Kusanagi returns and rescues Momiji.  He reveals that he wants to kill the Aragami, but he also becomes attached to Momiji during the ordeal, and decides to protect her from them.

Another film I saw at this time that even I had to admit I wasn't ready for was Ninja Scroll.  The title alone prompted me to rent this film, and My expectations for anything involving Ninjas were obviously a little out of whack, having grown up a huge TMNT fan.  I am pretty sure there were no severed limbs, split skulls, or graphic portrayals of sex involved with any ninja show I had seen.  Ninja Scroll changed all that.

Warning, no kids, don't get me in trouble with your family here!

I continued to partake of other films from Freedom Video and Hollywood Video as well.  It wasn't long after this that I went from casual observer to collector.  Starting with VHS copies of some of my all time favorites, and DVD's of new favorites when they became more available.  Next time, I'll talk about some of my favorite series from that time period.







And now, your Moment of AMV Zen...

Old Ramblings: Van Helsing

All this talk about crappy movies reminded me of this little gem I wrote up a while ago. Check it out.

Where to begin... Well for a start I have to say that when I heard that one of my favorite actors was slated to play a Vampire Hunter (Cough, cough, ) I had high hopes. Hugh "Logan" Jackman hunting the most fearsome of nightwalkers, Vlad Teppes Dracula. Unfortunately, 3 or 4 minutes into the movie, I knew that I was in for a huge letdown. At the start of the film, Van Helsing has never even seen a vampire before, but he does have an impressive record of killing cheesy "monster movie" monsters. But I digress. The opening scene is a replay of Frankenstein (the whole "It's Alive!" bit) when suddenly Dracula shows up for some reason. Now, I was willing to accept the "Dracula funded Frankenstein experiment" spiel that followed, and the chase to the windmill and subsequent burning of said windmill was actually enjoyable. However, at the moment Frankie's monster spoke, I knew this was going to be a long two hours.
WARNING, SPOILERS AHEAD: IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE PLOT OF THIS MOVIE, SKIP TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH!!! That statement is pretty laughable, considering the subject. Anyway, the lame-o story revolves around Van Helsing, the only cool character in this stink fest, and servant of a secret division of the Vatican. He kills abominations for the Vatican, but the Vatican refuses to support him openly. Thus, when his victims return to their human forms, all the common people know for sure is that he killed someone. Van Helsing is also troubled by strange dreams, including fighting in battles in ancient Rome. He has no recollection of his past beyond being found by the church near death and nursed back to health a few years past. He wears an all black ensemble of wide hat, leather trench coat, and long brown hair. He fights with blades and crossbows, and almost always looks cool doing it. All in all, he is a cool character with a lot of potential and style. So, having this character fight the likes of Mister Hyde, Frankenstein's Monster, a very Bella Legosi Dracula, His white-skinned but Indian dressed wives, and hundreds of crappy CG imps feels, to me, like asking someone to tap dance on a tight rope wearing speed skates. The Good guy and bad guys clash worse than hot pink and royal blue. All of the villains are one dimensional caricatures of what the original monsters represented. The aristocrat who drains the life out of the common people to slake his own thirsts is now a family man who will stop at nothing to bring his dead children (the aforementioned Imps, don't ask me why) to life, the mindless lackey of a mad scientist is now a greedy little troll who loves maiming animals, and the werewolf just plain looks stupid. So the plot goes as follows. Dracula commissions Dr. Frankenstein to create his monster, in the hopes of using the technology to bring his vampire children to life, since the children of vampires are born dead. The creature is thought lost in the infamous windmill fire. Then, Van Helsing is ordered to kill Dracula. He goes to Transylvania and meets the daughter of some gypsy king or something like that, she's mostly in the movie to look at anyway. Her brother is bitten by a werewolf and then bites Van Helsing who receives the antidote just before the transformation is complete and right after killing Dracula in his Demon form (since he got his powers in a pact with the devil after The Left Hand of God killed him centuries ago). By the way, Van Helsing is the same LHOG who murdered Dracula. So in effect he killed him twice. Confused yet?

Well, overall, the true crime of this film is the fact that it is called Van Helsing at all. The name is famous and a vampire hunter of the Van Helsing line should be fighting VAMPIRES, not Mr. HYDE. If this movie would have been called "stupid excuse for a lot of cheesy special effects" I may not have hated it as much as I did.

But alas it is not.

One thing I forgot to mention, whoever wrote the script must have been pretty drunk when he wrote some to the "One Liners". Here is one Gem I can't seem to beat out of my skull. As she kills a vampiress, the gypsy chick says "If you're going to kill someone, Just kill them, don't just stand a round talking about it" Imagine that sentence with a really poor Romainian accent, and you should have some idea of how crappy the dialogue was.

Oh, one last thing. If you have seen Blade II, Interview with the Vampire, Vampire Hunter D, An American Werewolf in Paris, and the Crow, you have seen about 80% of this movie already. If you have seen Indiana Jones, James Bond, and The Thing, you've seen the other 20% as well. Remember the UV flash-bang from Blade II? Well Van Helsing's friar buddy makes one (this is 1785 or something remember). There is a bit where VH and the Friar are walking around in the Vatican's secret lab and talking about new inventions, which, considering the friar's accent, plays a lot like Q giving 007 a rundown of his new gadgets. Almost nothing about this film is an original Idea. The only original idea I can think of is the "vampire kids are born dead" Idea, but it is a pretty stupid one, so it hardly counts.

The flabbergasting thing is that they are already planning a sequel. My question is, what the heck is he going to fight this time, Captain Kid? (Hey Abbot!)

2/10 (the two is for the fact that I laughed myself to tears at how bad it was. It is good in the same way that Big Trouble in Little China is good.

Old Myspace Ramblings: The Priest movie was always going to suck.

This is a post I made on Myspace in November of 06. My hopes for Priest have actually decreased since then. Enjoy.

Priest on the Big Screen: Movie I've been hoping for or movie that will piss me off to no end?

Current mood:worried

It should be pretty easy to see that I love Priest, seeing as how it's the background of my Myspace page and all. I am a huge fan of the manwha (korean comics, for the uninitiated), as full of heart-wrenching personal tragedy and socio-political intrigue as it was full of zombies, Renegade Angels, buckets of blood, and action of a breed rarely seen in comics, raw and visceral. As far as Anti Hero protagonists go, few can stack up to the utter cool factor of Ivan Isaccs, a truly tortured soul who's rage and sorrow fuel the engine of his revenge without fail, more than a mere man, a juggernaut who seemingly can only be stopped by his own personal demons. Add to that the antagonists, a circle of fallen angels who seek to resurrect their leader, Temozarela, an angel who's contempt for humanity and in turn God himself drives him to rebel in a most foul way (too many spoilers in that sentence as it is, hehe). Well, maybe I should let tokyopop's website's description say the rest.

"In the frontier of the American West, a veil of evil threatens to engulf humanity. Servants of the fallen archangel Temozarela are paving the way for their dark lord's resurrection. One man stands in the way of the apocalypse: Ivan Isaacs, a fallen priest who sold his soul to the devil Belial for the power to fight evil. Armed with a wicked blade and silver bullets, Ivan will give the heretics a baptism of blood in his pilgrimage for humanity's redemption. An epic journey across hundreds of years and spanning the globe, Priest is the most ground-breaking manga to come from the new entertainment hotbed of Korea. "

Now I found out just recently that Priest is being developed into a Hollywood movie, and my first reaction was, naturally, to enter a state of joyous shock. I never thought it would happen, and when I heard it was, I lost it. It was like when I heard that Lord of the Rings was going to be a major motion picture all over again, that's how big the series is to me. So of course, I started to search around for more info and found this site:

http://www.domas-porada.co.uk/main.php?id=Movie&nav=Nav_Movie

Most of the info is promissing, untill I hit this paragraph:

Plot Line: "A vampire Western that concerns a warrior priest who disobeys church law by teaming with a young sheriff and a priestess to track down a band of renegade vampires who have kidnapped his niece."

This pisses me off beyond words, if it's true. Without giving away too much of the plot of the comics, this plot is almost completely wrong. It's easier to list the things that are correct, since they are few. It is a western about a former priest who is a warrior. It isn't a vampire western, has nothing to do with Ivan's niece, since she doesn't exist, the sheriff is a federal marshal and not Ivan's ally (as far as I know) and there is a priest who teams with the marshal, but he is very definitely a man. Most importantly, no fugging vampires. Zombies, fallen Angels, religious zealots, demonic possessions, Vatican hit-men, twisted mutants, crusaders, Turks, dark priests, and one ravening mad Demi-God but not one goddamn VAMPIRE!

I know Vampires are Hip right now, but really, you can't just dump a few vampires into any movie and expect it to make a good movie. Maybe that's just me tho.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, why all the outrage. Well it's simple really. I am outraged that a comic with such an enthralling story is getting the Doom treatment.

Director Man: "I want to make Doom into a movie"

PC Ass-hat studio: "okay, but the fact that your main character's are fighting demons will offend people. Can't you just toss aside everything the original story was about besides 'shooting stuff' and make a movie about that?"

Director Man: "uh, I guess so

It's asinine, and it ruins great ideas. The truth is, Priest doesn't shed a very kindly light on religion in general, and Catholicism in particular, but that's part of what makes it so interesting. It's not just mindless hack n slash action at every turn of the page, it is deep and challenging, not just "guy kills zombies cause it's cool". More like "Tormented guy kills zombies to get to their angelic masters." Much more interesting.

Sorry for the Delay, here's Saturday Anime!

Well, had a pretty busy Saturday this week, considering it was New Years day and my nephew's 3rd birthday party. That said, rather than try to watch a whole anime series or movie, I though I might just talk a bit about how I got interested in the genre in the first place.

To start at the beginning, I have to go back to the heady days of the mid 1980s. In the days of my youth, personal ownership of VHS and other Home Theater equipment was only just becoming common enough for the birth of a new kind of store. The Video Rental store. Even in my hometown of Marshalltown Iowa, there were several rental places one could go to. One such place was in the Mall. The name escapes me, but I remember it vividly, walking around with my parents and marveling at whole walls covered with movies I hadn't seen. It was mind boggling to a kid who had grown up to that point on rabbit ear channels and occasionally basic cable if we were lucky. Anyway, this rental place had a policy that I just loved. For every 1 or 2 movies your parents rented, the kid could pick out one for free. And being the youngest in our family by several years, I was usually the only one picking out kids movies. Even though I must have seen all of the free movies available at one point or another, there were 3 favorites that I kept coming back to, and it was these three that undoubtedly inspired me to seek out anime in the future.

First and Foremost. Transformers: The Movie.

I had watched the show any time it was on as a kid, but the movie was a whole different story. First of all, it was the first time I ever heard a cartoon character curse, and I remember being terrified that my parents would not let me watch it anymore as a result. So I would fast forward it myself so they wouldn't hear. But more importantly, it was action packed and full of scenes that were heartbreaking for a young fan of the cartoons, most notably the Death of Optimus Prime. In the show, Prime wasn't really a character as much as a kind of Act of whatever God Cybertronian's believed in. He was good incarnate and seemed untouchable, almost immortally powerful and wise. So when the first act of the movie ended with him being beaten to death by his mortal enemy Megatron, it was hard to believe it could actually happen. This was the first "Cartoon" that had told an interesting story and didn't talk down to me just because I was a kid. Sometimes, good people die, and the best people die defending others and doing what is right, like Optimus Prime. Of course that was all cheapened later when they gave Prime a Comic Book Ressurection, but it really did shake up my idea of what a good cartoon was.

Second, Voltron.

Just watched the First Episode of Voltron, and holy crap, is the voice acting atrocious! Well, besides the narrator, one Peter Cullen, Optimus Prime himself. One of the characters (who's name was changed from Shirogane to Sven) sounds exactly like Sven Hoek from Ren and Stimpy. But when it comes down to it, the animation and the concept of 5 robots combining into one was just too cool. These days, the egregious over editing that was common in the 80s when it came to anime shows aimed at kids (the original show GoLion was intended for adults and was Brutally Violent, Voltron is a show that was edited together from scraps of footage and written with kids in mind), the almost intolerable voice acting (with notable exceptions), and the fact that I got a little burnt out on combining robots by Power Rangers some years ago, this show is almost unwatchable for me. But it still holds a nostalgic place in my childhood memories.

Third, Getter Robo G

It took me years to track this one down again. I knew it by the box art as a kid and absolutely loved the show. I must have made my folks rent this one 20 times. Through the mists of time, I have forgotten whether this was heavily edited for the American market or if it was an actual attempt to bring the original show to the states. I just remember loving the idea of 3 ships that combined together, but could make 3 very different Gestalt robots based on which robot formed the head. I remember the fights being intense and the enemies seemed very scary at the time. Full episodes can be found on You Tube, and I watched the first one to confirm it was the show I was thinking of from my childhood.

These shows were all either made for American audiences in Japan or shows for Japanese teens and adults Edited into Kid shows. It wasn't until a few years later that another rental place in town and a certain programming block would introduce me to the fact that Anime was more than just Giant Robots. But that's a story for another Saturday Anime.

To sign off, I'd like to begin a tradition on this blog of playing an AMV from a random show I enjoy. If you are unfamiliar with the concept, AMV's are Anime Music Videos edited together by fans and for every good one you find, there are about 100 bad ones!

And Now, your moment of AMV Zen...