Here we are again my friends, delving the depths of questionable movie rentals. The same person who rented the last batch of "New Releases" I spoke of chose this film as well. His habit of choosing movies based solely on how new they are and apparently little else led him to The Mechanic. This is the same strategy that once led him to rent Demons and Angels, which we didn't watch after I helpfully pointed out that it was a sequel to The DaVinci Code, which none of us in attendance had seen, so there you have it. But on to this particular yearly Jason Statham vehicle.
If there is one thing I can say about The Mechanic, it's that it certainly tries very hard to get people to like it. Like that kid in junior high that would sit at your lunch table and desperately try to shoehorn his/her way into your circle of friends, The Mechanic apes other assassin movies so hard that it could almost be considered a parody. Lots of explosions (Bourne), dudes getting shot (No Country For Old Men), and pointless sex scenes with female Non Entities (The American, if the love interest was a blow up doll). But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The Mechanic stars Jason Statham as Arthur, a killer for hire you can tell is an assassin just by looking at him. Which seems counterproductive in that line of work, but whatever. After he murders a man in his indoor pool in Columbia (hilariously swimming his corpse to the edge of the pool so he can escape, which has to be seen),his inner monologue lets us know that the best way to assassinate someone is to make it look like an accident and leave no trace of your presence. How original and never seen in a film before (Sarcasm). Arthur is requested to take out the man who trained him (Donald Sutherland), who is like a father to him and the film makes sure we know he dosen't deserve it by making him old and putting him in a wheelchair, You know, besides the whole "Assassin Trainer" thing, which is a job I'm pretty sure you can only train people for if you have done it yourself. So after a painful escape scene of Donald Sutherland in a wheel chair (Shit you not) Murderer Jason listens to Murderer Donald point out that the man in charge who put the hit on him will eventually kill Arthur as well when he is no longer useful. Cause why wouldn't a man who organizes a ring of professional killers let them have a kooshy retirement after they are done killing people on his orders? Arthur listens, and seems conflicted, then promptly shoots him in the chest anyway. But hey, he's still a friend, so Arthur, the guy who Shot him, shows at Murderer Donald's funeral. It's then that Arthur meets Murderer Donald's Son and for some reason decides to train this shiftless loser who never got along with his father to be a Hitman too, because getting his kid into the same business that got him killed is obviously the best way to honor his memory. The remainder of the movie is a series of increasingly idiotic set piece assassinations that Arthur tests Murderer Donald's son with, and which he seems to willfully screw up, even before (Spoiler alert!) he figures out Arthur killed his pops. It closes when the son decides to avenge his father for some reason, and promptly gets blown up when he takes Arthur's classic car for a joy ride, cause Arthur Totally put a bomb in it. And the record player blows up his house for some reason too.
So yeah, the plot is stupid. I really can't sugar coat that, it just isn't good, completely unoriginal, uninspired, and nonsensical. But, it's an action movie staring Jason Statham, so I'll cut it some slack, and in it's defense, some of the action set pieces are pretty cool, like a car flying into the front of a bus. But overall, stringing together about 5 good action beats with pointless sex scenes, over the top "Check out how cool this character is" montages of Arthur and Murderer Donald's Son 'training' or walking around, and a succession of absurdly obvious assassination targets doesn't add up to a good movie.
Which brings me to a final point. The writer did everything he could to make us like Arthur in spite of the fact that he literally kills every other important character in the movie for questionable reasons, to the point that he is knocking off a parade of action movie cliches. The first guy he kills is a Colombian Drug Kingpin, cause Drugs are Bad, mmkay? Then he kills his mentor, but that was just his job. Then he has the son kill another assassin who just happens to like pretty boys, so he's another hired killer, but also gay, so he's got to go. Then my personal favorite, the religious television personality who just happens to be a sex fiend and drug addict, Gasp! Then Arthur bumps into another assassin (it happens a lot I guess) and kills him for being alive when he was supposed to have died due to Donald, which is why Arthur had to kill him in the first place. Then he kills his nefarious boss to get even for him killing Donald. Then the son figures out Arthur killed his dad and tries to kill him back (and screws it up once again). Then he blows up the son... cause he's a Screwup? I guess? Whatever.
SO yeah, not unwatchable, but corny and pretty boring to boot.
3 'Swimming' Dead Guys out of 10
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