Horrible Bosses

Under 18's begone!

So a little while ago, the combination of constant heat advisories and crappy window air led me to take in a matinee of just about any movie, simply to escape the beastly weather.  I didn't really care what movie it was, but there was one that had caught my eye based on it's cast alone.  All I needed to know was that Jason Bateman of Arrested Development and Charlie Day of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia were two of the main characters to get my kiester in the seat.  I figured between them and Kevin Spacey, Donald Sutherland, Colin Farrel, Jason Sudeikis, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Aniston, and even Steve Weibe of Fistful of Quarters fame, how could you go wrong?

You may have noticed that I rarely cover comedies on here.  In fact, this might be the first straight comedy movie I've ever touched on.  There are a couple of reasons, first being that I very rarely see comedies in the theater.  I always end up inevitably let down by the theater experience when it comes to comedy, no matter how funny the movie is.  I find myself wondering why a Will Farrel flick would need digital sound and a screen that huge as much as laughing at the jokes.  The other reason I haven't talked about a comedy here is that, probably more than any other kind of movie, Comedy is highly subjective.  What's Rolling-in-the-Aisle hilarious to some is eyerollingly lame to others.  That said, Horrible Bosses is right up my Aisle.

The basic plot of the film involves three friends who are stuck in No-Win scenarios at their jobs.  Nick (Bateman) is a dedicated wage slave who gets stiffed on a big promotion because his boss (Spacey) wants a bigger office.  Kurt (Sudeikis) is the right hand man to the owner of a chemical company (Sutherland), until he dies of a sudden heart attack and his cokehead buffoon of a son (Farrel) takes over.  Dale (Day) is a dental assistant and engaged to a beautiful woman, but he works for a sexually voracious dentist (Aniston) who is attempting to blackmail him into cheating with her.  The three friends meet up at a bar after a particularly rough day, and in their drunken desperation, begin to concoct a scheme to eliminate the people ruining their lives.  Permanently.  After a chance meeting in a bar in the rough part of town, a former con named "Mother-Fucker" Jones (Foxx) opts out of taking care of their issue, but becomes their "Murder Consultant."

To say that the plot is dependant on the bosses being unbelievable charactures of what a bad boss might be is an understatement.  However, it's easy to forgive the over the top nature of the targets in this film when the chemistry between the 3 leads gets going.  Jason Bateman and Charlie Day play off each other excellently, and Jason Sudeikis rounds out the crew nicely, particularly when Dale complains about his bosses sexual advances and Kurt comments on how his problem dosen't sound nearly as bad as his or Nick's.  And while the bosses are ridiculous, it bears mentioning that they play it so well that it works pretty hilariously well.  Kevin Spacey plays the self centered jealous corporate fat cat to a T, Colin Farrel is a convincing drug addled comb-over sporting douche-bag, and perhaps most amazing of all, I actually thought Jennifer Aniston as a sexual deviant and manipulative man-eater was a highlight of the film.  And that's saying something, since I normally don't think much of her one way or the other.  Jamie Foxx split my sides every time he was on screen, like the days of In Living Color had come again.

As is to be expected in this kind of over the top comedy, the ending of the film is fairly ludicrous, but by the time you get to it, if you are like me, you will be laughing too hard to analyze it.  In closing, if you want a good gut laugh and don't mind crude humor or language with a dark streak a mile wide definitely check out Horrible Bosses.

8 "Throw Momma From the Train" References out of 10

Captain America: The First Avenger

So here we are, the series of Avengers Origin films is complete, and we have plenty of time to wait and contemplate the merits of them before the Avengers Film itself arrives next May.  The Iron Man films are well documented successes, Thor surprised a lot of people and confirmed my belief that a well done film about the character would be packed with awesome, but how has Cap's film turned out?  Did the future leader of (arguably) the Marvel Universes Premier Super Hero team have as strong a showing as his counterparts?  For the most part, I have to say yes.

Set primarily in the early 1940's, Captain America is the story of Steve Rogers (Chris Evans), a young man of diminutive stature who desperately wants to enlist in the US Army at the outset of World War II.  Due to his size and history of illness, he is turned down several times, as he falsifies his identity to try over and over to be accepted.  His determination to do his part attracts the attention of a Scientist (Stanley Tucci) who offers him a chance to join the army if he participates in testing his Super Soldier Serum.  Rogers agrees and after being put through his paces by a highly doubtful Colonel (Tommy Lee Jones), he undergoes the Super Soldier procedure, which remakes him into a Super-Human, the height of human potential.  Even as the procedure proves successful, a spy in the midst of the government officials gathered to witness it detonates a bomb, shoots the Scientist, and escapes with a vial of the Super Soldier Serum.  However, Rogers chases the man on foot and apprehends him, in spite of the fact that he flees via a stolen taxi and a submarine.  As the spy crunches his Cyanide Suicide tooth (Classic!), he taunts Rogers that two will rise to take his place, and says "Hail Hydra!" in his death throes.  As the film progresses, Rogers becomes a house hold name selling war bonds as Captain America, and is ridiculed by front line troops when he is sent to Italy, but gains their respect when he single-handedly rescues an entire unit of captured soldiers, including his old friend Bucky.  The film culminates in an epic showdown with the Hydra forces and a one on one fight with their leader, the Super Soldier prototype, Red Skull (Hugo Weaving).

Overall, I have to say that I was extremely impressed with the story, particularly how they incorporated Captain America's classic Golden Age origin into the film in the form of his USO stage show, to hilarious effect.  Also of note, Red Skull is very well fleshed out (pun intended) and he makes a delightfully wicked foil to Cap's selfless heroism.  I also really enjoyed the treatment of tertiary characters, Bucky and "Dum Dum" Doogan, for example.  The inclusion of Howard Stark, Iron Man's grandfather, could have been a simple Cameo, but they made him a very important character, flying Cap in on his first combat mission and designing his suit and, perhaps most importantly, the iconic Vibranium Shield.  Cap's relationship with Agent Peggy Carter, while obviously meant to be the romantic inspiration for Cap, as he is seen with her picture several times, is refreshingly conservative in a world of super heroes always getting the girl, and adds another layer to the character and the ending of the film.  The only problem I had with the story was, ironically, with Cap himself.  While they do a lot to show how he progresses from being unsure of his new abilities to kicking copious amounts of ass and leading an elite group of soldiers hand picked to fight Hydra, I couldn't shake the feeling that his leadership abilities that will make him the obvious choice to lead the Avengers one day were not very well demonstrated.  Maybe that's just me though.

Another note, and one I pointed out to my cousin Daniel during the movie, was that they managed to make Captain America's universe less believable than Thor's.  While it must be said that the inclusion of some Real-World future tech vehicles and weapons that the Germans were actually working on during WWII lent believability to the concept of Hydra being Hitler's "Deep Science" division, some of the other devices have to be described as Ultra Tech by 1940's standards.  It lent a futuristic feel to some of the later combat scenes, which seems odd for a movie set in the past.  And while energy weapons could be explained away by the fact that Red Skull was harnessing power from the same Cube we see in the Stinger at the end of Thor (Dun Dun Dun!), powered armor, Tanks the size of houses, and a massive Flying Wing took me out of the movie a bit.

That said, the visual effects were extremely impressive and well implemented.  Of particular note was the effects used to make Cap look like a scrawny weakling before the Super Soldier Procedure.  Costuming is excellent, from the period outfits, Cap's hilariously authentic comic book outfit, or his actual combat outfit, not to mention Red Skull and his varying and menacing outfits.  Sound is well done, and the plethora of period accurate propaganda songs is delightful.  As far as direction goes, Joe Johnston does a fine job of finding great framing for scenes.  There are not really any of the "What the Hell is Happening, all I can see is Camera Shaking" fight scenes that drive me bonkers, and overall, the action is entertaining and never too over the top (For a Superhero that is).  Oddly enough, one of the most effective scenes is actually the end credits, which is an animated montage of WWII Propaganda posters.  And if anyone left the theater before the end of the credits, big mistake.  Not only do we see a bit of Cap and Nick Fury, but also a teaser trailer for the Avengers film which was downright awesome. 

All in all, I have to say that I really enjoyed Captain America, it was a perfect Penultimate Avengers movie.  And while I have to admit that I enjoyed Thor a bit more personally, it really is an excellent film and worthy of the franchise. 

9 Punched out Hitler's out of 10.

Green Lantern

Okay, my procrastination is reaching critical mass here, I'm now writing a review for a film I saw weeks ago.  So if I get some details muddled, forgive me.

Any Old How, Green Lantern.  It's another in a long line of Summer Superhero movies, including notable releases this year such as Thor and X Men First Class.  Green Lantern is a long on storied DC Comics series beloved by fans.  And while several humans (and countless aliens) have donned the mantle of the titular character, Hal Jordan is probably the best known.  I've never personally kept up on Green Lantern lore (I'm kindof a Marvel / Manga guy) and in all honesty, I had to look up the character on the interwebs to remind myself what his powers were when I heard a movie was in the works way back when.  Still, the previews looked pretty solid and I'm a fan of Ryan Reynolds (He was the only good thing about the Wolverine movie, for example), so I determined to give it a shot, even after a few professional reviewers were less than kind to it.

The film features Hal Jordan, a Jet Fighter Test Pilot who encounters a crashed alien spaceship.  The dying pilot of the alien craft bequeaths a Green Ring and Lantern to Hal, saying that he has been chosen as his replacement.When a confused Hal puts on the ring and touches it to the lantern, he is suddenly clothed in the Garb of the Green Lantern Corps, an interstellar police organization that has agents that wield the Green Power of Courage as a weapon, manifesting green matter in the form of whatever the Lantern can imagine..  Even as Hal is adjusting to his new outfit, he is brought back to planet Oa, the headquarters of the Green Lantern Corps, where he begins training to be the Lantern assigned to Earth's galactic sector.  Meanwhile, on Earth, the dead Lantern's body is being studied by a socially inept acquaintance of Hal's who becomes infected by the force that killed the alien, a super-being known as Parallax, which once devastated the galaxy at large by spreading the Yellow power of Fear.

Green Lantern is a Film that tries to get the Batman Begins mix.  That is to say, it tries to please the hardcore fans, educate the novices, and set up a sequel that will move the series forward.  Unfortunately, it fails to hit any of these points masterfully, and in fact fails to subtly hint at anything, sequels included.

If there is one way that the problems with the film could be fixed, I would say that it is Editing.  Visually speaking, there is nothing wrong with the effects or casting, the acting is generally good, and the sound is well done.  However, the pacing of the movie is badly in need to tweaking.  The fact is that there are some scenes that hold the audiences hand too much, and there are others that force the audience to fill in imperceptible gaps.

For example, before any of what I spoke of in the plot synopsis up there occurs, we see Hal Jordan wake up late and ditch the lady in his bed, go to his nephew's birthday party, Pilot a Raptor Fighter in a dogfight with a computer controlled drone fighter, defeating the unbeatable drone fighter, freezing up when his risky maneuvers cause him to lose control of the fighter (an inexplicably long scene where he remembers his dad dying in an explosion after a failed test flight of his own), a lengthy debriefing with his superiors who berate him for his risky maneuvers and losing his jet in a test exercise, and finally a lengthy argument with the Love Interest character which establishes in great detail that they have known each other for years, had a rocky romantic past, and that her father designed the drone ship.  As well as scenes of the Alien Lantern fighting and fleeing from Parallax and a few pointless scenes that incorporate the pointlessly un-funny comic relief character interspersed throughout.  Most of these scenes needlessly hammer home points that were made either by the first line of several lines of dialogue or by simple inference. These scenes could have easily been tightened up in editing to improve the pacing and shorten the amount of time before Hal becomes a Lantern. 

On the other hand, there was a scene during the birthday party that ends with Hal carelessly launching a Hot Wheels onto a loop track and off a ramp.  It's literally a two second blip of film.  No comment on how much he loved Hot Wheels when he was a kid or even an emotional response to seeing or launching the car.  He simply presses the button and calmly leaves the shot.  At the time, I thought "What was the point of that?" and promptly forgot it ever happened.  It wasn't until I started contemplating this review that I realized that this momentary flash was meant to be the inspiration for one of the biggest action/special effects set pieces in the film, in which Hal creates a Life Size green Hot Rod and a track for it to run on out of Green energy. He created the first thing he could think of to avert disaster, but I could not for the life of me figure out why it was a car on a track.  Couldn't they have included a momentary flash of the scene from earlier that inspired it to make sure the connection struck home?  Like I said, Too Much or Too Little story telling, depending on the scene.  Why do we spend so much time examining the Alien Corpse which stops mattering moments later, but never really get a solid explanation of what's happening to Space Mumps Bad Guy's mind?

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things done right in this film as well.  Tension between Hal and Space Mumps is pretty well established, for example.  Also, there is one great scene that really stands out as an example of comics movies not being limited by the rules of comics themselves.  After a painfully unfunny scene with the so-called comic relief best friend character ends with the suggestion that Heroes "Get the Girl", Hal flies to the love interest's apartment and lands on her balcony in his Lantern suit, complete with "Identity Hiding" Eye Mask.  It has oft been pointed out how ludicrous it is to assume a secret identity can be maintained with the application of a tiny mask that covers about 10% of the face. The more egregious example is the Clark Kent Glasses worn by Stupor Man, but I could write a whole paper on why Stupor Man sucks.  When Love Interest (Seriously, does her name matter?) see's him, for a few long moments she looks at him as if she has no clue who this crazy person in a Green and Black body suit on her balcony is.  I think I may have actually said "You have got to be Shitting me." for all the theater to hear when it looked as thought the old Eye Mask gambit had struck again.  It would have been impossible to accept that she wouldn't recognize a childhood friend and love interest because he happened to be wearing a mask that Zorro would refuse to wear because it was too dainty.  But as soon as I said it, her eyes flashed wide and she shouted "Hal?!" then proceeded to berate him for scaring her.  Meanwhile, I proceeded to say "Oh thank god, she can't have been that stupid."  It is really a great example, in my book, of what fans of comics and their related media are really looking for.  Not the "It dosen't have to make sense, it's just a stupid comic" angle of Golden Age comics, or the "Gritty reality" of the Dark Age comics of the 90s, but the Silver Age feel.  Believable People with Unbelievable powers in a believable modern world.

Overall, Green Lanterns faults are mostly on the technical side, some better direction and editing would have resolved most of the nagging issues, and a slightly better script would have fixed the rest.  It's not perfect, but it far from terrible.  It's one of the few movies I've seen in 3D that didn't make me want to take the glasses off 5 minutes in, and in the end it's a fun movie.

6 Obvious Future Badguys out of 10

Seriously, the stinger at the end of the film was pointless because A) Lantern Fans knew it was coming before the first teaser trailer was over and B) His Name/motivations/etc were a dead giveaway to everyone else.

The Witcher 2

Hey, I've not done a single Game Review.  What's the deal?  Here we go then, The Witcher 2.  To be fair, I'm only 1/4 of the way through the story, but I'm mostly going to talk about the mechanics anyway.

I'm clearly getting old.  There was a time when an extensive inventory and crafting system was exhilarating.  When managing what you can carry was a trifle or an added challenge.  When a complex combat system mixing spells and swordplay offered interesting variety.  These days, these things feel more like tedious busy work than intriguing game-play.  And in the case of The Witcher 2, these aspects are all too prevalent. 

To be fair, I've always been a little put off by limited space in inventory in games like this, going back to Diablo as one of the first games that really drove me nuts in this category.  The difference being that in games like Diablo, if I was a Barbarian, I knew I could sell any magic wands or staves or cloaks I acquired when I returned to a shop.  In the case of W2, most of what one loots is hunks of whatever it was looted from; hearts, eyes, teeth, etc.  The problem being, that there is no clear way to tell what parts of what monsters one might need in the future to make potions or craft weapons or armor.  Some are obvious; one will always need iron ore to make the next Steel Sword upgrade for example.  But others are fairly vague.  After working on a quest to kill a bunch of giant plant crab something or others called Endragoras or whatever, I had gathered my maximum amount of loot I could carry.  After slowly trudging my way back to town (yes, it's one of those games) I sold off a ton of stuff I didn't think I'd need, including a handful of Plant Crab teeth which I hadn't found a use for yet.  Then I stopped at the smithy later and found that the best Steel Sword required 15 of them to make for some reason.  I couldn't buy them back so I had to go pointlessly murder the now much less common crab spiders for their teeth. 

This brings up another point, the dual sword system.  Now, the idea of a monster hunter who carries two swords, a steel sword for slaying humans, and a silver sword for slaying monsters sounds pretty awesome at face value.  And the hero, Geralt looks pretty cool with two swords slung over his back, no denying it, and as far as a Fantasy Novel character device goes, it is a pretty interesting one.  The problem comes in when you implement it into the game.  For a start, you will find yourself very frequently upgrading your steel sword in the first chapter and not fighting a lot of humans til the close of the chapter.  Not to mention that there is only one Silver Sword upgrade in the first chapter, and it comes immediately before the end of said chapter, just in time for the afore-mentioned human bloodbath.  So for the whole first chapter, you will mostly be using the basic silver sword and upgrading your steel sword for really no good reason.  And it bears mentioning that if you use the wrong sword on a type of enemy, it will do almost no damage.  This makes sense and would not be a problem if there weren't instances where human bandits and monsters will stop fighting one another in order to collectively kick your ass, so you have to choose a sword, weed out the appropriate enemies, then switch swords and kill the others.  And again, this would not be that big of a problem if not for buggy and occasionally unresponsive controls.

The controls appear simple enough.  Press 1 to draw/sheath your Steel Humanoid slaying Sword, press 2 to draw/sheath your Silver Monster chopper.  Easy enough.  The only problem is at times, if you get surprised by an enemy, and just hit the mouse button, Geralt will draw whatever sword he was last using.  If it's the wrong one for the enemy, you will have a few moments when you will be vulnerable as you switch.  And that's assuming Geralt responds at all.  I've had plenty of times where I've found myself mashing the 2 button as a monster beats my face to a pulp and Geralt stands there getting pummeled with his Steel sword drawn.  So then I would try to press 1 to put the steel sword away, and he still stands there like a bloody bump on a log.  Another time, I was fighting a group of elves and as the last one died, I heard a distant scream like a large cat, announcing that some Nekkar's were on their way.  They were far off yet, couldn't even see them, so I pressed 1 to Sheath my Steel sword.  Nothing.   Tried it again as I spotted a Nekkar off in the distance.  Nothing.  Okay, I'll push 2 to draw my Silver Sword.  Nothing.  Getting closer, could really use my silver sword sooner than later, pressing 2.  Nothing.   They are about to start punching the guts out of me, back to 1.  NoF'ingThing.  They've reached me, and are stomping my gizzards flat, pressing 1,1,1,1,2,2,2,2.  Guess What, Nothing!  So finally I start swinging with my Steel Sword and Rolling to dodge their assault.  After I flail ineffectually against the nearest Nekkar and do almost no damage, I tried 2 one more time in a moment of grim jocularity.  The white haired Git finally switched swords.

I heard the Nekkars coming from a country mile off, and was at half health before Geralt decided it was a good idea to draw the appropriate sword.

And that's to say nothing of the combat system itself.  Don't even get me started on the incomprehensibly named spells.  But the swordplay mechanics are either brilliantly complex or idiotically simple, and I honestly can't tell which.  It doesn't help that W2 takes the tack that you must have just finished W1 on the hardest setting or you wouldn't be playing W2 (I never played 1 by the way), so it throws you into combat with almost no instruction and cheerfully watches you get mercilessly slaughtered several times by the first enemies you encounter.  I had to go down to easy mode just to get through the damn intro.

Another niggling point that drives me batty are the quick time events.  I'm already bored to death with the concept now that every action game since God of War has aped it, but it doesn't help that W2's variety is a tiny indicator in a strange, orangish sepia tone that almost always gets washed out by the backgrounds.  For example, at one point I had to rescue some elf girls from a burning building before we were all consumed by the flames.  I found the girls and one said "Release us" so I went over and clicked on her, then pissed away precious seconds before I realized that I was standing there not actually releasing her, because for some reason it was deemed necessary to attach a 'Click a whole bunch' Quick Time Event to this action.  Needless to say we all burned, and I was forced to repeat the cut-scene (skipable, but still had to load) and a combat sequence before climbing the tower and trying again.  All because I couldn't see the tiny little QTE bar.

Now don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good reasons to play W2, or I would have quit a long time before the end of the intro.  The visuals are downright gorgeous, and the voice acting is pretty good, with Geralt's occasional Batman voice and the repetition of lines from townsfolk being the only real issues.  The world is very deep and the story impressive.  Again, I feel I must warn any others who skipped W1, prepare to be confused, and it may not be a bad idea to find a plot summary on line to get up to speed, because again, the game assumes you are an old hand and will know exactly who's who and what's happening.  But, the story that unfolds is very interesting so far and worth the effort of bashing your head through some of this games failings.

And really that's the only problem.  At times, Witcher 2 feels very much like a game that does not want to be played.  As though it is actively trying to twart your attempts to advance by bugging out at all the wrong times, sending Geralt careening across the room to strike the one enemy standing 10 feet away and ignoring the other seven standing right next to him trying to spill his innards.  All in all, it's worth the annoyances.

Just remember to breath and count to 10.

Xmen: First Class

Well, at this point, I am a couple movies and one major event behind in this here blog, and let's not even discuss what happened to that story I was working on.  But, I'm back in the saddle, and I have some things to talk about.  So let's go with X Men: First Class for a Kickoff.

I should probably start out by saying that I have long been a complete fanboy spas for the X Men in all it's incarnations.  Whether it be reading and re-reading my brother's X Men comics when I was a kid, the incalculable amount of money I spent on the X Men Arcade game in the 90's, devotion to the animated series bordering on unhealthy (and I liked Jubilee, so shut up!), or my shameless fan-boy squeeing when the original film was released, I've Always been an avid fan of the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters.  However, in recent years, I've grown more guarded when it comes to X Men in popular media, as the quality of the films has, to my mind, decreased with each new release.  While it was awesome to see Nightcrawler kick butt in X2, Last Stand is a film I can honestly say I've only seen once.  It failed to capture what I loved about the concept in my mind and took a Pirates 3 style dive unceremoniously into the "One Sequel too many" files.  So when I heard that a new X Men film was in the works, I scarcely took notice, not ready to be disappointed again.  As the release date inched closer and trailers and story details began to surface, my interest was piqued.  Focusing on Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr?  The Hellfire Club?  Set during the Cuban Missile Crisis?  Quietly, a tiny fan-boy in the back of my mind was bouncing on the balls of his feet at the possibilities.

So I saw it.  And I have to say, it was more than a mere return to form, it is reinventing the wheel in a big way.

First Class tells quite possibly the most important story in the X Men Mythos, the origin of Extraordinarily powerful telepath Professor X and The Master of Magnetism, Magneto's Friendship and subsequent Animosity.  It also focuses a great deal on the shape-shifter Mystique, from when she was a young girl and how she came to be one of Magneto's most trusted allies. 

The film opens with a dramatic demonstration of how different the two friend's childhoods were.  Young Erik is seen manifesting his powers of magnetism in an attempt to keep his family together in a Nazi Concentration Camp, only to be taken away by a man named Sebastian Shaw and tormented into developing his powers further.  Charles Xavier, on the other hand was raised in the lap of luxury, demonstrated by the fact that he lives in a mansion and recognizes Mystique aping his mother's appearance not only by reading her mind, but because he has never seen his mother anywhere near the kitchen.  After Mystique reveals her true form, blue skinned, golden eyed, and red haired, and says her name is Raven, Charles offers to let her stay with him, so she will never have to steal again.  From then on, Raven is raised as Charles' Sister. 

Fast Forward to 1962, and we find Charles publishing a thesis on Mutation and using his powers to seduce women and Erik hellbent on finding Shaw, the man that tortured him and killed his family.  After CIA agent Moira MacTaggart reveals the existence of The Hellfire Club, a collective of Mutants, led by Shaw, with dubious goals, Charles is brought in as an expert on Mutation.  While in pursuit of Shaw's Submarine, Erik nearly drowns attempting to prevent his escape with his powers, but he is rescued by Charles, who was in pursuit of the Hellfire Club with MacTaggart.  From there, Shaw's true goal is revealed and Charles and Erik work together to recruit other mutants to combat the Hellfire Club and bring Shaw to Justice. 

I really have to praise the writing in this film.  Never too corny, but never taking itself too seriously either, and with fantastic pacing, it tells the story of the first major conflict involving mutant combatants against a perfectly appropriate backdrop.  I've heard some point out that the film feels more like "The Magneto Story" than X Men, and I can't really argue, but really, is there a more important character in X Men lore than their primary antagonist, with the exception of Xavier himself?  While some of the mutants, like Riptide, Havok, Banshee, and Azazel (to some extent) are a bit one dimensional, they all get a chance to show off their impressive powers.  One character I really enjoyed was the reboot of Angel from an aristocratic prettyboy with eagle wings to a young girl with dragonfly wings and the ability to spit explosive projectiles working as a stripper.

As far as visuals go, all of the characters and their powers are well designed and convincingly real looking.  Sets are, for the most part, period accurate and costuming is well done.  Visual effects never really overwhelm the scene and are usually subtle for most of the mutant's powers, with Havok and Riptide as fairly obvious exceptions.  The only real complaint I have from a visual standpoint is Hank McCoy's Beast form.  It just looks... off for some reason.

Sound is excellently done in this film as well, with plenty of well crafted sound effects and suitably epic or subdued music to fit the scene.  There are also some popular period songs that add to the 60's feel of the film. 

Overall, I'd have to say that First Class soundly eclipses the original X Men Trilogy.  It's bigger, and yet more personal, and it has a lot of heart, and a lot more to say than just "Mutant Powers are Cool!"  Plus, Logan in the Single greatest Cameo ever, besides maybe Stan Lee's in Thor.

9 Nazi Coins out of 10

PS:  Is it wrong of me to wish Jubilee would make more of an appearance in a future X Men Sequel?  I always liked her.

Adventures in Redboxing ; The Mechanic

Here we are again my friends, delving the depths of questionable movie rentals.  The same person who rented the last batch of "New Releases" I spoke of chose this film as well.  His habit of choosing movies based solely on how new they are and apparently little else led him to The Mechanic.  This is the same strategy that once led him to rent Demons and Angels, which we didn't watch after I helpfully pointed out that it was a sequel to The DaVinci Code, which none of us in attendance had seen, so there you have it. But on to this particular yearly Jason Statham vehicle.

If there is one thing I can say about The Mechanic, it's that it certainly tries very hard to get people to like it.  Like that kid in junior high that would sit at your lunch table and desperately try to shoehorn his/her way into your circle of friends, The Mechanic apes other assassin movies so hard that it could almost be considered a parody.  Lots of explosions (Bourne), dudes getting shot (No Country For Old Men), and pointless sex scenes with female Non Entities (The American, if the love interest was a blow up doll).  But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

The Mechanic stars Jason Statham as Arthur, a killer for hire you can tell is an assassin just by looking at him.  Which seems counterproductive in that line of work, but whatever.  After he murders a man in his indoor pool in Columbia (hilariously swimming his corpse to the edge of the pool so he can escape, which has to be seen),his inner monologue lets us know that the best way to assassinate someone is to make it look like an accident and leave no trace of your presence.  How original and never seen in a film before (Sarcasm).  Arthur is requested to take out the man who trained him (Donald Sutherland), who is like a father to him and the film makes sure we know he dosen't deserve it by making him old and putting him in a wheelchair,  You know, besides the whole "Assassin Trainer" thing, which is a job I'm pretty sure you can only train people for if you have done it yourself.  So after a painful escape scene of Donald Sutherland in a wheel chair (Shit you not) Murderer Jason listens to Murderer Donald point out that the man in charge who put the hit on him will eventually kill Arthur as well when he is no longer useful.  Cause why wouldn't a man who organizes a ring of professional killers let them have a kooshy retirement after they are done killing people on his orders?  Arthur listens, and seems conflicted, then promptly shoots him in the chest anyway.  But hey, he's still a friend, so Arthur, the guy who Shot him, shows at Murderer Donald's funeral.  It's then that Arthur meets Murderer Donald's Son and for some reason decides to train this shiftless loser who never got along with his father to be a Hitman too, because getting his kid into the same business that got him killed is obviously the best way to honor his memory.  The remainder of the movie is a series of increasingly idiotic set piece assassinations that Arthur tests Murderer Donald's son with, and which he seems to willfully screw up, even before (Spoiler alert!) he figures out Arthur killed his pops.  It closes when the son decides to avenge his father for some reason, and promptly gets blown up when he takes Arthur's classic car for a joy ride, cause Arthur Totally put a bomb in it.  And the record player blows up his house for some reason too.

So yeah, the plot is stupid.  I really can't sugar coat that, it just isn't good, completely unoriginal, uninspired, and nonsensical.  But, it's an action movie staring Jason Statham, so I'll cut it some slack, and in it's defense, some of the action set pieces are pretty cool, like a car flying into the front of a bus.  But overall, stringing together about 5 good action beats with pointless sex scenes, over the top "Check out how cool this character is" montages of Arthur and Murderer Donald's Son 'training' or walking around, and a succession of absurdly obvious assassination targets doesn't add up to a good movie.

Which brings me to a final point.  The writer did everything he could to make us like Arthur in spite of the fact that he literally kills every other important character in the movie for questionable reasons, to the point that he is knocking off a parade of action movie cliches.   The first guy he kills is a Colombian Drug Kingpin, cause Drugs are Bad, mmkay?  Then he kills his mentor, but that was just his job.  Then he has the son kill another assassin who just happens to like pretty boys, so he's another hired killer, but also gay, so he's got to go.  Then my personal favorite, the religious television personality who just happens to be a sex fiend and drug addict, Gasp!  Then Arthur bumps into another assassin (it happens a lot I guess) and kills him for being alive when he was supposed to have died due to Donald, which is why Arthur had to kill him in the first place.  Then he kills his nefarious boss to get even for him killing Donald.  Then the son figures out Arthur killed his dad and tries to kill him back (and screws it up once again).  Then he blows up the son... cause he's a Screwup?  I guess?  Whatever.

SO yeah, not unwatchable, but corny and pretty boring to boot.
3 'Swimming' Dead Guys out of 10

Thor

It's been just over a day and a half since I saw Thor on opening night, and it is a testament to how dog tired I've been the last few days and honestly a bit of a miracle that I haven't done a write up on it before now.  But now, powered by a Red Eye Coffee from Java Joes, a Monster Rehab, and the first decent night's sleep I've had in a few days, I'm finally awake enough. 

*May I humbly Suggest you play this song while you read this?*

As the day comic nerds and action junkies the world over are salivating (or dreading in some cases) approaches, Thor is the penultimate origin film leading up to the long awaited Avengers crossover film, with only Captain America yet to be released.  Of all the members of the Avengers, few are more worrisome when it comes to a live action adaptation than the Norse God of Thunder himself, Thor Odinson.  In all honesty, I've always loved the character, both in mythology and comics, but when news that the Avengers movies were in the works began to surface around the internet after the success of Iron Man, I was skeptical.  With an Idea as fantastic as Thor himself coming to Earth, it's hard to imagine how a convincing film adaptation could be accomplished.  In fact, I wasn't convinced that the film wasn't a doomed enterprise until I saw the trailers.  The images were so compelling, and the actor so believably Aesir like, that I went straight from guarded optimism to fanboy obsession before the first trailer ended.  So now that I've seen it, was my initial skepticism confirmed, or did it deliver the satisfying film version of a classic Marvel Hero the Trailers seemed to promise?


The answer is it didn't meet my expectations, it completely eclipsed them.

I normally talk a bit about the story, but honestly, I just can't.  I really don't want to ruin any aspect of the story, but trust me when I say, It is utterly top notch and tells the story of Thor's descent to the Earth Realm in a compelling and at times, suitably humorous, fashion.  That being said, I'll skip ahead.

There are two primary pitfalls that could have easily sunk this movie.  Modernization and Cheese, for lack of a better term.  I could easily have seen a version of this movie where the story revolved around a normal man acquiring Thor's actual powers or Thor-like powers in a way that didn't directly involve the Aesir Gods, and such a film would have brought my blood to a boil.  And while some will argue that such a story is technically canonical (See Thunderstrike), it would be a pale shadow of the tale told in the actual film.  On the other hand, the film could have easily overdone it when it comes to sticking to the comic version, or half-assed the visuals, or most disturbing of all, miscast Thor himself so badly that he never becomes believable as the mortal incarnation of a Norse Warrior God.  Thankfully, this was not the case.

One of the great strengths of Thor is it's casting.  Chris Hemsworth, a largely unknown actor, is a truly brilliant choice.  For a start, he looks the part.  Tall, Blonde, Ripped, and from what I overheard from the ladies sitting near me in the theater and on the internets, none too hard on the eyes.  But a pretty face and abs you could grate cheese on do not a convincing Thor make.  Luckily, Hemsworth's acting chops are impressive, conveying the emotional state of his character perfectly.  From the arrogant pride of a massively powerful Aesir Prince, to the unease of a God made Mortal, to the the devastation of losing his birthright, to the Heroic resolve to save the day at any cost, his performance drives the movie.  That is not to say that the rest of the cast isn't similarly impressive.  For a start, Anthony Hopkins as Odin is an absolutely inspired choice, as he brings dignity and subtle power to the role.  Natalie Portman as 'love-interest' Jane, the scientist who is the first to 'encounter' Thor when he arrives on earth is a great reversal of the Hollywood trend of Gorgeous but Vapid girls pursuing a Nerdy Male lead.  She is Gorgeous, make no mistake, but she is the brains of the film for sure, and her relationship with Thor feels very genuine.  Jane's intern, Darcy, played by Kat Dennings (another gorgeous young woman, for the record) commonly fills the role of comedy relief, but comes across more as a quirky person dealing with an unexplainable situation, rather than the cartoony variety of 'funny character' who may as well just grab the camera and demand the audience laugh.  (see Jar Jar Binks).  Thor's brother, Loki, is played by Tom Hiddleston, another actor I didn't know much about going into this movie, but his performance is nuanced and he plays the Trickster God not as the Smirking, Mustache twirling Snidely Whiplash type, but a cold and calculating manipulator, comparable to Ozymandias in Watchmen.  However, there are a couple of casting choices that may have some scratching their heads.  In fact, there was a small stink over the casting of Idris Elba, an acclaimed African actor from England as Heimdall, and the incomparable Japanese actor Tadanobu Asano, best known for Ichi the Killer and Last Life in the Universe, as Hogun.  However, once you see Elba in the film, it quickly becomes clear that he is an excellent choice and Asano's only real issue is that his accent is occasionally distracting, but he plays the role admirably.

When it comes to the visuals, it bears mentioning that it is no small task to present a believable film version of Asgard, home of the Aesir gods, or the Frost Giant lands of Jotunheim, not to mention Bifrost the Rainbow Bridge, but the environments feel simultaneously stupendously alien and completely believable as the Realms of the Gods.  That said, a desert in New Mexico may seem a boring setting to switch to, but a one horse town and sprawling S.H.I.E.L.D investigation site make for interesting Earth backdrops.  The visual effects overall are very well done, with only the occasional instance of action that is hard to follow to mention as a negative, and a lot of well executed set pieces as a posative.  The Destroyer (which I have always wanted to see in a film) is a great example.  It also bears mentioning that the costuming completely embraces the style of the comics without becoming too cheesy as a result.  Colors are subdued and metalic, rather than spandex, but still incorporate the recognizable traits of the costumes so that the main Asgardian characters are instantly recognizable.  The only gripe I had was that Thor only dons his trademark winged helm in one scene early in the film, but at least Loki wears his curled horn helm for most of the second half of the film.  The fight scenes are well constructed and appropriate to the scene, from Thor easily overpowering Frost Giants in all his Aesir glory to the frantic, knock-down-drag-out fistfights of mortal Thor.

Sound wise, the music is suitably epic, with only two licensed songs, both in the credits if I remember correctly.  The score is memorable and adds volumes to the emotional feel of the moment it accompanies.  Sound effects are very well done, very convincing. 

It may surprise some to hear that Kenneth Branagh, famed as an actor in his own right and known for his film adaptations of Shakespear, was the films director.  To me, it seems somewhat fitting that he would helm this film, as it could be safely described as part epic adventure and part comedy, in the Shakespearian sense of the word.  Overall, there was really only one scene (the very first to be honest) where a choice of camera movement took me out of the movie to any degree. 

Overall, Thor proves that, with the proper treatment and devotion to the source material, even a comic about the God of Thunder kicking butt in the human realm can be made believable, compelling, and incredibly entertaining.  The honest truth is that this film may be the best comic book adaptation I've ever seen, and may have surpassed The Dark Knight as my favorite Super Hero movie.  It's that Good.  Cap has his work cut out for him!


10 Pulverized Frost Giants out of 10.  Go see it, at once!

Sucker Punch

A while back, I ended a post with this same trailer and gushed about the potential of this motion picture.  Well, I saw it on Friday night, and I have to say, it did not disappoint.

The story of Sucker Punch is either terribly complicated or deceptively simple, and I have yet to decide which.  Set in the 1950's, it opens with an incredible sequence that is void of dialog and driven by compelling visuals and a great song, but expertly introduces us to our protagonist "Babydoll" (Emily Browning) and her tragic back-story.  She is betrayed and wrongly committed to an insane asylum.  Shortly after arriving, she slips into a delusional state.  Whether it's due to improper medication/treatment or simply a defense mechanism of her mind is not made clear, but she imagines the asylum as a cabaret show in a brothel.  Her fellow inmates are dancers as well, and she perceives therapy sessions as practicing her dancing.  However, the first time she dances, the truly amazing part of the movie begins.  Her delusional state deepens, and she finds her conscious self in the courtyard of a snowy Japanese castle.  She enters and finds a mysterious sage (Scott Glenn) who grants her two weapons, an elegant Katana and an engraved Colt 1911 pistol.  He tells Babydoll that she will need five items for escape to be possible.  A Map, A Fire, A Knife, A Key and a mysterious Fifth Item. Almost immediately she is attacked by three Giant Samurai Golems, and the real fun begins.  As the film progresses, Babydoll recruits other girls to help carry out her plan to escape.

The fight scenes in this movie are simply jaw-dropping, to the point I just sat agape every time Babydoll started dancing and a new action sequence began.  While some will no doubt be annoyed by anachronistic issues, such as modern assault rifles being used by the girls, these scenes all take place in a delusional state, and Babydoll would no doubt imagine futuristic weapons for her friends.  While some key fights are won by Babydoll and her Katana, the majority of the action is gun-play and vehicle combat.  The varied action sequences include Steam Punk WWI Trench Warfare, a Fantasy Castle under siege by Orc Like beasts.and the always classic bomb on a runaway train full of robots.  They have to be seen to be believed.

And while the story is interesting, the action and visuals incredible, mention must be made of the soundtrack.  Any fan of song covers, like Brian Ibbot for example, will doubtless be impressed by the array of songs in this film.  As a rule, the movie is light on dialog, and many of the scenes are completely driven by the songs and the action.

Overall, the film is well acted for the most part.  I was especially fond of Rocket, played by Jena Malone, who also played Gretchen in Donnie Darko (Applause!).  Emily Browning as Babydoll is very impressive, and it is always a great treat to see Scott Glenn.  I only really had a few things that bothered me, the ending for example and some slightly contradictory scenes.  I almost guarantee that director Zack Snyder will produce a Director's Cut of this film when it is released on Blu Ray, and hopefully that will clear up some of the things that I felt didn't make sense.  When it comes right down to it tho, I have to say that I thuroughly enjoyed this film, and will probably go see it again in the theater, for the action and ambiance if nothing else.

8 Bunny Faced Mechs out of 10  
Yes, there is a Bunny Faced Mech in this film.

Saturday Anime: GXP

In recent weeks, my latent obsession with all things Tenchi Muyo has re-emerged as a passion of mine.  I've been re-watching the OVA, reading up on the continuation of the different continuities that American fans have never seen, and most recently watching GXP.  This show is set in the original Tenchi OVA continuity, and while it features characters from the OVA from time to time, it is it's own story. The show bears clear resemblances to other Series in the Tenchi Franchise, most notably the "Harem" aspect of the relationships between the show's main characters, but the fact that this series was directed by Watanabe Shinichi (Nabeshin of Excel Saga fame, who also appears in this show in the form of a lecherous wise cracking automaton named NB) makes this show uniquely zany.

The protagonist of the series is Yamada Seina, an acquaintance of Masaki Tenchi who lives in the same town.  Seina is largely unremarkable, except for one distinguishing feature, his remarkably bad luck.  The first few episodes mostly cover examples of Seina's terrible luck causing problems for him and everyone around him, including his friend Kai and his older sister Kiriko, who looks out for Seina as if he were her own brother.  One day he decides to take a shortcut through the woods on his bike, and it isn't long before his trademark bad luck lands him with a flat tire.  As he looks for water to repair the tire (is that how bike tires work?) he finds himself at the lake just outside the Masaki House, where Tenchi and the girls all live.  Suddenly he is overcome by an incredible noise like nothing he has ever heard, but it is all to familiar to fans of Tenchi Muyo.  It's the sound of someone crashing a Galaxy Police Patrol ship into the lake (and it isn't Mihoshi for once).  Seina is knocked into the lake and passes out.  He awakens with his head in the lap of one Amane Kaunaq, a blonde GXP officer.  She asks if he is okay, and when he responds that he is, she explains how she came to be there at a tempo that would make Excel Excel proud.  Thinking that Seina is a pupil of Tenchi or his grandfather Katsuhito based on the bruises and scars caused by his bad luck, Amane gives him a recruitment form for the GXP.  When he arrives home, his family physically force him to sign the document, thinking it is for a raffle or lottery.

That night, Seina awakens on board a spaceship.  It is a Galaxy Police ship, and they will be transporting Seina to the GXP academy to begin his training.  However, it quickly becomes clear that Seina's bad luck is still in full effect even in space, as the ship is attacked by a number of space pirates.  Among them is raven-haired space pirate idol Ryoko Balta, who was named after Hakibi Ryoko, Masaki Tenchi's Space Pirate Squeeze.  After receiving aid from the Royal Family of Jurai itself, the most powerful government in the universe, Seina enrolls in the G P Academy.  When he arrives, he finds that Kiriko is already a member of the Galaxy Police, and she begs him to return home for his own safety, worried that his bad luck will doom him in space.  Unable to resist the possibilities that joining an inter-stellar police force brings, he joins the Academy.  Only to become a captain shortly there after to work as a decoy for space pirates, making use of his unique ability to attract trouble.  Along the way he meets a young (looking, think Washu) priestess named Neju, and along with Amane, Kiriko, and Ryoko they make a remarkable discovery towards the end of the series.

Yamada Seina, yet another intergalactic lucky bastard.

As I said, GXP deftly melds two very distinct styles.  The "Fan Service" heavy and sexually frustrated/indecisive protagonist Harem aspects of Tenchi Muyo and the fast paced wackiness of Excel Saga.  And while Seina is not nearly the playboy Tenchi is, he ends up with an impressive group of girls at his side.  The comedy is very well done, with Nabeshin's flare for the ludicrous well represented.

Now, it has come to my attention that there is something of a debate amongst Tenchi Fans regarding this show.  Apparently many consider it the black sheep of the series, some going so far as to refuse to consider it canonical.  There seem to be two primary reasons for this.  One, it is Too crazy for some, with Nabeshin (both the character and the director) taking the art and comedy styles in directions that some fans didn't approve of.  The other is the fact that the name of the show is Tenchi Muyo: GXP, but the primary protagonists of the Tenchi Universe are not the main characters, appearing in only a couple episodes and only speaking in one of them.  Let me go on record as a huge fan of this series and address these two issues.  GXP is gut bustlingly hilarious a lot of the time, but it is also appropriately serious and often touching when the story calls for it.  And this show isn't about Tenchi and the Girls, but it populates the universe they inhabit more completely and adds depth and scope to the canon they are part of.

All in all, I think that GXP is a show that fans should enjoy, and complete newcomers to the Tenchi Franchise could get into without seeing the other shows, particularly if you enjoy Nabeshin's other work.  I recommend it highly and get a big kick out of it whenever I watch it.

And now, your moment of AMV Zen

Paul

One thing I've always loved in cinema is the skillful parody.  Masters like Mel Brooks and the Python's have always split my sides with their precise dissection of genre norms, whether they wield subtle or sledge-hammer wit.  These days, the emerging "New Guard" in the field of parody films is headed up by the team of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.  Their first film, Shaun of the Dead, brilliantly lampooned the oft over the top Zombie Movie genre.  They teamed up again for Hot Fuzz, a film that skillfully skewered Buddy Cop action films.  Now with their third major collaboration, Paul, they tackle Alien Encounter science fiction films like ET and (big surprise) Close Encounters of the Third Kind.  And while the parody aspect of their first two films was obviously born of a desire to announce their devotion to the given genre, warts and all, Paul succeeds in remaining a dutifully devoted parody of the source material while still telling a compellingly original story.  And while I have to say that I find SotD and HF with their plethora of in jokes to be more thoroughly hilarious in general, I appreciate Paul as a more complete film.

The film opens with two Science Fiction fans from the UK (played by Pegg and Frost) attending the San Diego Comic-Con, a well known mecca for Nerds all over the world.  After the conference, they rent an RV and set out on a tour of purported Alien encounter hot-spots.  As they travel, they witness a car crash in the desert.  Stopping to help, they meet Paul, a smart mouthed Extra terrestrial who quickly befriends the two.  He lets them know that he is attempting to meet up with a ship that will take him off world.  As they travel, they encounter government agents attempting to reacquire Paul for nefarious reasons. 

From a technical standpoint, Paul demonstrates some impressive special effects and sound.  The character Paul, voice hilariously by Seth Rogan, is completely computer generated and almost always believable.  The sound design and score are excellent, including a number of recognizable queues.  Overall, effects rarely distract from the story, which is always important in this kind of film. 

Overall, Paul does a great job of telling a humorous and heartwarming story within the guidelines of it's genre while managing to feel completely original and complimentary of it's inspiration at the same time.  While I can't say that it is a better film than Pegg and Frost's previous work, it certainly deserves to be mentioned among them. 

8 Small Cowboy's out of 10.

Saturday Anime: Iria - Zeiram the Animation.

This series is one of the shows that most deserves to be mentioned in an edition of Saturday Anime (which I am going to try to do more consistently, I swear).  One of the first 'True' anime that I saw, the first DVD I bought, and still one of my favorite shows All Around.  Dan and I watched this again last night, so with my latest of many viewings fresh in my mind, I thought I would talk a bit about it.

The titular protagonist of the series is Iria, a hunter from the planet Myce in a distant galaxy.  As the show opens, she is apprenticed to her brother, Gren and his partner Bob.  She is strong willed and tough as nails, a true heroine, not the Kung Fu mistress or Dragon lady stereotypes.  She fights with an impressive arsenal of Guns, explosives, and a segmented Katana, similar to the sword used by Ivy of Soul Calibur fame.  And while she is easily the toughest person (note the word Person) in the show, when she isn't busy kicking ass and taking names, she can still be endearingly feminine.  For example, at one point in the show after fighting tooth and nail for the better part of 15 minutes, the first thing she thinks of is that she could use a shower.

Early in the first episode, Iria, Gren, and Bob take on a hush-hush mission to rescue the occupants of a high-jacked ship known as the Karma.  Expecting space pirates, industrial espionage, or a mercenary force, they instead find that the majority of the crew has been slaughtered by a single assailant.

It is Zeiram, a bloodthirsty unstoppable killing machine of unknown origins.

This is Zeiram.  Holy Schnikies!

There is something so cool about this antagonist.  He has no ambitions.  No Agenda.  No personal beef with anyone in particular.  No tragic past.  No tortured psychotic personality.  No reason to kill.

But that doesn't stop him.  The best way to describe Zeiram is as a Force of Nature.  He is pure Malice, unfocused hatred incarnate, unfettered instinct in an indestructible body.  He kills everything in his path, not for kicks or honor or really for any reason, simply because it's what he does.  And he is damn good at it.  Zeiram is an extremely intimidating figure, huge in stature, accompanied by an eerie chant and a hissing laugh that freezes the blood of his victims.  And there is only one person who has ever taken him on, one on one, and lived.  Iria.

The show has a very unique visual style that blends traditional eastern art and architecture with otherworldly technology, and character design is excellent, particularly Iria and Zeiram.  Audio is excellent, with a number of memorable pieces of background music and an insanely catchy opening theme song that, to this day, I can't get enough of.

It bears mentioning that this series was one of the shows that made me the Anime Fan I am today.  I saw it first on the Sci Fi channel during the Saturday Anime days.  It is amongst the original handful of series that hooked me on the medium, including the likes of Tenchi Muyo, Dominion Tank Police, Gunsmith Cats, Ghost in the Shell and Neon Genesis Evangelion; placing it in some fine company.  And I remember it fondly as one of the first shows that featured a powerful and well developed female in the lead role of an animated series at a time when animated women were sidekicks at best and damsels in distress at worst.  I recommend it to anyone who can get a hold of it and who wants a taste of Great old school anime and a Badass Female Hero.

And now, your moment of AMV zen.

Top Ten: Quotable Movies

Started this a long time ago, finally finishing it.

Thanks to Jeff for the suggestion on this top ten list.

So anyone who knows me personally will tell you that I quote movies like I'm getting paid for it.  For as far back as I can remember (and even further if you ask my Uncle Ken and other family members about "Drivin in my Caawr!") I was always trying to get laughs out of people by imitating Weird Al songs and reciting entire Bill Cosby routines.  As I got older and saw more and more movies and comedians, I continued to latch on to choice lines and reference them in conversation, but there were some films that I saw so many times and enjoyed so much that I knew the pacing of every line and the inflection of every delivery.  This is a list of 10 such films (Or series of films as the case may be).  Warning, Almost none of these will be kid friendly, so get out of here kids!  Also, SPOILERS!  Let's dive right in with:

Very close Runner Up) Slap Shot

The Hansons are a big reason this is on the list, but there are a lot of great lines from everyone else in the film as well.

And another, since this topic was impossible to narrow it down)  Clerks

Jay and Silent Bob, Dante and Randal, Berzerker, Star Wars Political Discussions, what more could you ask for?

With Musical Guest) Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street.

Yeah, Singing along counts.

Oh, and The Joker in the The Dark Knight.

10)  Lucky # Slevin

This is a personal favorite that I don't think a lot of people saw.  It's hardly chock full of one liners, but the strength of this film is conversations and characters.  The Boss, The Rabbi, Goodkat, Lindsey, Brickowski, and Slevin talks back to all of them.










9)  Fight Club

From Edward Norton's deadpan narration to Brad Pitt's off kilter philosophical musings, to the bizarre moments of synergy between the two, Fight Club is one of those movies that I can't help but quote from time to time.  **Spoilers on this one**










8)  Boondock Saints

This film is about 80% memorable one liners.  The rest is crazy action.  The Brothers, Rocco, Papa Joe, Agent Smecker, the Boston cops, so many great lines from all of them.










7)  O Brother, Where Art Thou

Talk about a movie that is almost completely quotable.  From "Any you boys Smithies?" to "Finding one little ring in the middle all that water is one hell of a heroic task!"  to the songs you can't help but hum or sing along, this 1930s retelling of the Odyssey has plenty of lines I just love.









6)  Airplane!

Do I really have to explain?  This ridiculous send-up of 70's disaster movies is completely irreverent and even more hilarious.











5)  Space Balls

Any of a number of Mel Brooks' films could have ended up on this list, but Spaceballs was always my favorite.  This brilliant lampooning of Star Wars, Star Trek, and Sci Fi in general is brimming with hilarious lines.











4)  Pulp Fiction

If there is one thing we all know about Quentin Tarantino, it's that he loves copious amounts of dialog in his films.  From Jules and Vincent's smalltalk and philosophical musings,  Vincent keeping his boss's wife company, Butch the slightly unstable boxer, and an unforgettable cameo by Christopher Walken.











3)  The Princess Bride

A fantasy story full of memorable characters and even more memorable lines, The Princess Bride will always be one of those movies I can't help but quote as I watch it, I love it so much.

Bonus: I got an A in speech class in high school for reciting this scene.









2)  Monty Python Movies

Enough Said.

1)  The Big Lebowski

What can I say about the Big Lebowski?  It is crude, lewd, and the home of the Dude.  It's also entirely hilarious and the Cohen Brothers best film in my opinion.

Saturday Anime: Top Ten Male Characters

So I've been slacking off a bit, and another top ten list I've been working on has proved more... Daunting than I had first hoped.  So what do I do?  I do Another top ten list, of course!

In keeping with my Saturday Anime Idea and my predilection for Top Ten Lists, this is a list of my 10 favorite Male characters in Anime (I've Seen).  I'm starting with guys cause I am one (last I checked) and I'll be limiting myself to adults and one character per universe.  Let's do this crazy thing!

10)  Starscream: Transformers

While the character has undergone a lot of changes over the years, Starscream has always been one of my favorite Transformer.  While some will say that the original character was a toadie and a coward, I beg to differ.  If Starscream understood one thing, it was tactics.  He does and says what he must to placate Megatron, who is pretty obviously a power-mad psychotic who earned his position by being the most powerful and dangerous Decepticon.  "Starscream is a coward!" the nay sayers ballyhoo, and to that I say that Starscream retreats whenever he knows there is nothing to be gained by fighting.  He often seems to commit to a particular attack just long enough to placate the lunatic he works for.  If anything, he is the Sun Tzu of the Transformers universe.


9)  Kusanagi Mamoru:  Blue Seed

When he first arrives on the scene announcing that he must kill her, it is the first sign that Momiji's life is about to change.  However, when he stops Yamata no Orochi from sacrificing her, he decides to continue to protect her.  It quickly becomes clear that he is a valuable ally, and his habit of arriving just when Momiji needs him most, a cocky demeanor, and the power bestowed upon him by the seven Demon Souls Orochi planted make him a lot of fun.


8)  Ikari Gendo:  Neon Genesis Evangelion

This one may be a head scratcher to some.  But if there is one thing I love, it's characters that are justifiably smug and enigmatic.  Though his appearances in the series are limited compared to other main characters, every second he is on screen is packed with meaning.  Gendo runs Nerv to his own ends to pull strings attached to the most diabolical puppets, and only Fuyutsuki, Ritsuko, and Gendo himself seem to know what his endgame truly is.  Quiet and reserved as he plans the course of his machinations, and subtly triumphant when their intended results come to pass.


7)  Vegeta: Dragon Ball Z

The last prince of the Saiyan homeworld, Vegeta was proud to the point of arrogance.  When he first appears  in DBZ, he is a sarcastic battle hardened soldier, stronger than most, but still subservient to his master Freeza.  He relishes reminding others that he is their better in battle.  After he is defeated on Earth, he eventually comes to call it his home and his more noble traits become more pronounced.  He is still a smugly proud man, but he also does whatever it takes to protect the people he cares about.

6)  Batou:  Ghost in the Shell series.

Batou is a tank.  He is a tough as nails, no nonsense, shoot-now-ask-later tank.  And yet, he is also the guy that takes special care of the Tachikomas and has large, obvious soft spot for one Major Kusanagi Motoko. He is one of those brilliant characters that is equally believable as a sensitive softy and a guy who wouldn't hesitate to head-but a terminator.  I don't know how much of his body has been cyberized, but I am pretty sure his Heart is real.

5)  Masaki Tenchi:  Tenchi Muyo

There is a part of me (and most Tenchi Fans I could name) that hate's Tenchi.  He is the luckiest SOB in the history of fiction.  Surrounded by alien girls that are all crushing on him in a major way, he maintains his neutrality, treating them all as equal adopted members of his family without diminishing their interest in him.  But when it comes down to it, there is a line in that video that says it all.  When Kagato mocks him for trying to defend the girls when he could have saved his own life by not getting involved, Tenchi's response epitomizes why he is such a likable character.  Bonus:  I recently read that according to the original creator of the series, as far as the OAV continuity is concerned, Tenchi ends up married to...

 All of them!  ...Asshole!

4)  Alucard: Hellsing

Come on, you had to know this was coming.  Alucard is the definition of what an "Antediluvian" level Vampire should be, and why Twilight will forever suck.  His power is vast and his appetite for battle insatiable. It should be noted that Hellsing has a system of control magic cast over Alucard that limits the amount of his true power he can wield, and in the video there, he's only released a small fraction of it.  The prospect of a true challenge makes him giddy, and his disdain for weakling vampires that fail to live up to his expectations is deliciously violent.  In all honesty, I almost had to give this spot to Alexander Anderson, the priest, as he has always been an intriguingly perfect foil to Alucard.  All their fights are ludicrously awesome.

3)  Zechs Merquise/Milliardo Peacecraft: Gundam Wing

Couldn't find a very good vid that was just about Zechs, but that promo is awesome.  The prince of a pacifist nation, Milliardo Peacecraft was forced to face the grim realities of war after it killed his father and destroyed his country.  Donning the mask of the Lightning Baron and taking the name Zechs Merquise, the last prince of the Sanc Kingdom became the most talented mobile suit pilot in the world.  Piloting a technologically inferior suit, the Tallgeese, Zechs routinely bested the Gundam Pilots through experience and sheer talent.  When he broke ties with Treize Kushrinada and attempted to foster peace between earth and the space colonies, he eventually came to the grim realization that the only way to prevent future wars was to provoke a conflict so dire that mankind would shudder at the idea of war.  With his new Gundam Epyon, he leads the White Fang resistance, rallies the colonies, and wages his endgame war.

2)  Spike Spiegel:  Cowboy Bebop

Spike is an interesting dichotomy.  For most of Cowboy Bebop's run, he is a bounty hunter with enough skill in weapons and martial arts to allow him to light-heartedly mosey from one bounty to the next without distress.  However, if he encounters a truly dangerous enemy (Peirrot Le Fou for example) or when his past revisits him, he becomes a single-minded force of nature, incapable of allowing himself not to oppose the threat.  He states that he feels as though his life as a bounty hunter is nothing but a dream, which may explain why he doesn't seem to be taking it seriously.

1)  Onizuka Eikichi:  Shonan Junai Gumi and GTO

Ah, Onizuka.  The Devil of Shonan Beach, One half of the OniBaku Duo, one of the most respected and feared Bosozoku leaders in Japan... Becomes a Teacher!?

And his first class is famous for destroying the morale of their homeroom teachers.  But with his laid back personality, goofy sense of humor, optimistic attitude that sees the value in every one of his students, and un-killable body (trust me, it comes in handy) Onizuka begins to win them over.  As the hard line students continue to attempt to oust him, he continues to win more support, including their secret weapon Kanzaki Urumi .  And while he is undoubtedly a bit of a slob, perv, and brute, he is the most genuine and honest teacher his students have ever had, and they are actually excited to come to school.  Onizuka will do anything for his students, whether it's steal thousands of dollars worth of sushi or getting shot multiple times.

And now, your moment of AMV Zen... From GTO even!

Ah, one more, just cuz!